Final blog entry

Posted on 31st January, 2020

Hi all,


Marydoll here with the saddest of news.


On 30th January 2020 our beloved Grahame lost his fight.


Grahame would have wanted me to update his blog to let everyone know how things progressed since his last post. Unfortunately he could only manage to do a further 5 rounds of chemo before the side effects all became too much and the doctors advised that he stop. His PSA levels continued to rise and reached 798 after chemo #5.  Grahame had a further CT and bone scan in early January which showed extensive progression of his bone metastases and evidence of spread to his liver. His pain continued to increase, requiring additional medication at home which began with the support of his GP and the Hospice team. It became impossible to control his pain at home despite everyone's best efforts and it was at this point in time that Grahame finally asked for help with his pain.


Grahame was admitted to Ayrshire Hospice on Thursday 16 January with the belief that his pain could be stabilised within a 2-week period and he could return home. However, it became very apparent that his pain was extremely complex and it took a period of 10 days and numerous changes to his pain regime to get his first pain-free night. During this time, Grahame continued to be upbeat and smiley, always downplaying his pain to the fantastic medical team who were trying their hardest to make him more comfortable. Towards the end, Grahame required 24-hour syringe drivers to deliver continuous pain control, but still needed frequent top ups of additional morphine. On each occasion, he thanked the medical team for their help - always addressing them personally and full of smiles.


After the first week in the Hospice, his PSA went up to 1089 and then 1249 the week after. His Consultant gave him the news that there were absolutely no treatment options left, including the pre-trial drugs that Grahame was hoping to try. He took this news with strength and courage and was still very much hoping to get home, all the while saying (in typical Grahame style) that he felt like a 'fraud' and that other people needed the bed more.


Unfortunately Grahame deteriorated very quickly over the subsequent few days but was surrounded by all of his very loving family all of the way.


During Grahame's 2-week stay at the Hospice, all of us were treated with total dignity, respect and compassion. The care was truly exceptional. It was a true blessing for the family to be able to stay at the Hospice by Grahame's bedside. We were so lucky to have an adjoining lounge overlooking the beautiful gardens, as the staff quickly realised the size of the Garven family! We even managed a wee party night round his bed watching Rangers playing footie the night before he died.


To all the medical, nursing and voluntary staff at the fabulous Ayrshire Hospice - I shall be forever grateful. I know you loved his smile and allowed our family to be together during the most awful time.


I also have to say a massive thank you to his lovely Oncologist Dr Hilary Glen who gave him her valuable time and answered his numerous questions. She gave him hope as long as she could and was never put off by his wonderful inquisitive mind. He absolutely had to know every blood result, scan result and next treatment option!


My lovely hubby died with myself and his closest family showering him with kisses and cuddles 💙


The funeral will be held on Friday 14th February at 12 noon at Seamill Hydro Hotel, Seamill, Ayrshire, KA23 9ND.  There will be a collection for Ayrshire Hospice on the day.



Make A Comment

Characters left: 2000

Comments (20)

I just heard after returning from Singapore last week but had to go into self isolation for 14 days, sad, sad day. Today was my first day out of self isolation to enable me to attend the celebration of Grahame’s life.

Didn’t get a chance to speak to you as didn’t stay long but my sincere condolences on your huge loss. I’m not sad, I’m grateful that I met Grahame at the Academy & various bars and social clubs in Arran and have some good memories which will live on as well, will miss the big man’s banter.....

The service today was beautiful, very touching in parts with Billy, Sam & your daughter singing. His memory will indeed live on in his children and grandchildren.

From all at IBM in Ireland we send our deepest condolences. I have followed Grahame's journey and have been in total awe of his bravery. He was one of life's true gentlemen and you should all be very, very proud. Ar dheis Dé go raibh a anam.
So sorry to hear of Grahame’s passing,
I only met Grahame a few times at the Beatson in Glasgow when we were both going through chemo at the same time, I was so happy to have met him for the first time at Maggies support group where we both discussed our advanced stage of prostate cancer and Pink Floyd, he made me feel so positive about the future and had a profound affect on how I view this horrible disease. We have been in touch by phone a few times since and I always felt he truly understood me.
I know Marydoll and his family realise what a special person he was, but I would like to say he was a gem of a man and one which I really wish I got to know more
I am so saddened by this news and will always be in awe of such a brave and wonderful person. Mike
Alan and I are so sorry to hear of Grahame’s passing. I met him recently at Saltcoats doctors at the pharmacy and he was more interested in asking after Alan than talking about his own health, just brushing it off. We are both thinking of you Mary and the family.
Grahame was one of the loveliest people I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with. Personally he gave me so much support and more importantly, a good laugh (which we often needed). I am so sad to hear of his passing and send my love to his family.
We have been truly honoured to have had Grahame as our Grandsons Jamie and Josh's grampa. He was the most exceptional grampa to them both and the most fantastic father in law to our daughter Marie. We are broken hearted for our lovely Son in law Johnny , his sisters and especially for Mary. We thank Grahame and Mary for our inclusion in all family events over the years. We can not mend the broken hearts, there is no pill for this pain but to be there.
Graeme was a fabulous gentleman, I always enjoyed working with him and will never forget the guidance and help he gave me to get a promotion years ago. I count it as a privilege to have known him as a friend and colleague, his is a sad loss. I can’t express how sorry I am for your loss and hope that the memories you built together as a family endure and help you through. My thoughts are with you.
So in awe of Graham's courage and strength. He was a beautiful genuine gentleman and our heartfelt condolences to you and the rest of the family Mary xx
Marydoll what can anyone say, at least he’s not in pain anymore. Its taken me some time to decide to write to you via the Blog It may seem wrong but my first thought was of Graeme and I voting that John Baker (the Aussie) would do all the underfloor work on level 4 because he was the bendyist (is that a word) plus he was from “down under” and that we both were too big to fit. I’ll miss his smile and humour as will all of you. Glad you have the family around you at this time, you’ll help each other get through this but you can never forget. Peter
Sleep peacefully Grahame.x You certainly fought harder than anyone I know.
It was a privilege to know such a gentleman & selfless guy. I am thinking of you all 💗💗 my love to you all Ann, Peter & family xxxx
It was a privilege to know such a gentleman & selfless guy. I am thinking of you all 💗💗
Absolutely gutted. Don’t know what to say......Jocky, a great mate, gent and the world is definitely a sadder place. Mary, all our condolences to you and your family. All our love - Matt and Gill Harrison.X
Truly in awe of The G man’s never ending battle and bravery! He will be missed by many people, myself and Jan included. I am so very sorry to have heard this news but hopefully you can at least feel better knowing that there is no more pain! Deepest sympathies to you all! All our love Steve & Jan Johnson X
Lost a smashing guy so glad to have met you were a pure gentleman and will be early missed by your lovely family and friends xx
Hello Mary,

I have spent the afternoon reading Grahame’s blog and I couldn’t have wished for a more valuable place to start in helping me know Grahame as a person -this is so important to me in my quest to give him the wonderful send off he deserves. I’ve smiled and cried this afternoon and I’m privileged to have read Grahame’s journey. I very much look forward to assisting you with plans and offering you all the support I can at such a challenging time for you all. Oh and I’m hoping to meet Floydy too! See you soon. Caroline
One of lives true gentlemen will be missed by so many xxx
Blessings to you all x.
Grahame Garvey you were one one the worlds truest gentlemen. What a fight Grahame that you fought
RIP the world is certainly a sadder place with you not in it ❤️❤️